Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Make the Overpaid Execs Useful For A Change!

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) –
At a conference of oil leak experts in Washington today, attendees proposed plugging the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico with executives of BP, the company responsible for the catastrophic spill.

“We’ve tried containment domes, rubber tires, and even golf balls,” said William Cathermeyer of the National Oil Leakage Institute, a leading consultancy in the field of oil leaks. “Now it’s time to shove some BP executives down there and hope for the best.”

Submerging the oil company executives thousands of feet below the ocean’s surface could be a “win-win” situation, Mr. Cathermeyer said.“Best-case scenario, they plug the leak,” he said. “And at the very least, they’ll shut the fuck up.”

But even as the oil leak experts proposed their unorthodox solution, environmental expert Marilyn Sufranski warned of the possible negative consequences of plugging the oil leak with BP executives. “The Gulf of Mexico is slimy enough already,” she said. More here.


Blogger Jefferson's Guardian said...

Obviously the symbolism of BP (formerly known as British Petroleum) executives plugging their own broken outlet piping would be beneficial to all, but reality quickly sobers the mood when the impact of this environmental catastrophe becomes apparent. The American Bird Conservatory, in a recent article by National Wildlife, indicated the impact will be widespread and long felt. "The Gulf Coast is extremely important for hundreds of species of migrants, which variously breed, winter and rest here during migration. The population effects on birds from this spill will be felt as far north as Canada and Alaska and as far south as South America." The article points out that "[t]he complexity of the Gulf coastline, with numerous bays, estuaries, inlets, marshes and creeks, will make cleanup extremely difficult; impacts could last for decades for much of the habitat, and some species may suffer significant long-term population declines."

Ironically, BP, known as a stalwart in the industry for being the most environmentally friendly of all the big oil behemoths, "was a favorite to win an environmental award [May 3rd] that celebrated the safety and efficiency of the offshore drilling industry. Needless to say, in the wake of the ongoing crisis, that ceremony was quietly postponed." Guess who's the sponsor of the award? Yup...you guessed it...none other than our federal Minerals Management Service (MMS). Nice move by the MMS, huh?

I think this whole fiasco...this whole carnage by another "too big too fail" enterprise...sickens every person with a conscience and a soul. Unfortunately, the worse that will ever happen to BP is it will pay huge fines and penalties and probably settle out-of-court on some measly class action lawsuits. But the impact of the damage will never come close to what BP will be penalized. It'll be a drop-in-the-bucket (poor analogy, I know) and will be recouped through colluded pricing schemes in a fraction of the time it'll take for the environmental damage to right itself -- if it ever does.

Here's my solution, although it will not be legally feasible in this particular case. There needs to be a reworking, and rewording, of the whole corporate charter masquerade which allows malfeasance and wrongdoing to go unpunished in criminal court. Why should corporate entities, "artificial persons" as latest Supreme Court decisions would lead you to believe, be able to hide under the umbrella of state-enacted charters? Shouldn't executive managers, and board members, be as culpable and accountable for destructive acts as any "natural person" -- like you and I? Shouldn't the penalty be more severe than just corporate-paid fines? I certainly think so.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Anna Van Z said...

This makes me so furious I can't see straight. All the MSM talks about in terms of cost are the costs to those who are consumptive wildlife users (fishermen, for example) or those whose living depends on tourism.
What about the cost to the wildlife, for its own sake? The countless beings that will die an agonizing, slow death, or starve because their habitat is no longer habitable? As usual, that's not even a consideration to the mainstream, it's-all-about-me set. It's just about profit lost to these folks.
But for countless beings, both human and non-human, there are quality of life issues that will continue for generations. Where are people supposed to go whose well-being is now endangered? And it's not like the wildlife can pack up and go!
For all those who like to pretend this only affects those in the Gulf region, think again. We're starting the hurricane season, and some of those storms either start or gain strength in the gulf before moving over the mainland.
Here in NC, even in the mountains, we sometimes get the tail-end winds and rain from hurricanes in the gulf. This can happen all over the south, into the midwest, and all the way up the eastern seaboard to NY.
Won't that be wonderful when you, your property, yard, crops, animals, water supply, etc., are drenched with rain that's full of petroleum and highly toxic chemical dispersants that do gawd-knows-what??!
So much for the organic garden!

5:34 PM  
Blogger Anna Van Z said...

UPDATE: Just saw this over at the George Washington Blog, which is a really great one to check out regularly, btw:

Hurricanes could spread Oil Inland.

8:12 PM  

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