Friday, August 16, 2013


(h/t to someecards)
A coworker took time off to have surgery. When he came back to work, they got him this cake.

Appreciating anything more specific...than their existence is harassment. Let's be honest: if you worked in that office, this would probably be the most you could say about the subject, because you really only noticed that Bob was gone when you couldn't take a Friday off because you had to finish some of his work. You can't make any jokes about how you're not looking forward to his B.O. coming back to work, because you'll get fired.

So you agree on a bland statement that everyone can get behind, because that's how corporations work. "Not Dead is Super Good!"


Blogger Jefferson's Guardian said...

If you think about it, our corporate culture influences every phrase, sentence, and meaningless monosyllabic utterance in the workplace. That cake wasn't as much a "welcome back" gesture, as it was a "don't be taking off again" warning.

Yes, Friday, one of the most beloved words in western (and Islamic) culture! It's very rare when one can have a full week of Fridays...unless, of course, your name was Robinson Crusoe.


8:15 AM  
Blogger Father Tyme said...

"We're glad you didn't die!"

Your Employer

P.S. If you had died:

we'd have to find a replacement (time comsuming and expensive to us)

The cost of training a new person would lower our bottom line.

Our insurance would take a hit until the death policy we took out on you takes effect.

It's entirely possible your employment here meant that you may have been actually worth something to us and we should have paid you more so we stand to lose profit.

More than likely, we would be stuck paying prodigious amounts of overtime to other "sort-of" qualified people until you were replaced.

Glad to have you back!

10:14 AM  
Blogger Anna Van Z said...


12:23 PM  
Blogger Jefferson's Guardian said...

FT, the "P.S." would necessitate a bigger cake. Thus, it's assumed the employee understands.

It's the proverbial "shot across the bow" in today's workplace. The message? Don't you dare do it again.

10:40 AM  
Blogger Father Tyme said...

Number 6 font, done in brown icing...or something brown.

5:18 PM  

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